I recently discovered that I hide my Power quite often. I hide it in the way that I speak to people, even though I'm actually labeled as an (extra)vert. I hide it when I create choreography, even though I know my art has more to say. I hide it in the way that battle, even when I know I'm more than capable of winning. I hide it in my relationship, even though I want to express. I hide it in my Coaching, even though I know I'm brilliant in my own way. And worst, I hide it from my Family, even though they're the people I love and crave for approval from the most.
Now what do I mean by "hiding my Power?" Playing small. Saying a million things, but only silently through my thoughts. Being extra in a way that I don't care for in hopes of proving myself. Not telling people who matter to me "I love you."
After lots of self reflection, endless nights of tossing around, hours on hours of conversations between coaches and friends and Family, and an embarrassing amount of crying - I realized that I was hiding my Power because I didn't feel worthy. And why didn't I feel worthy of my Power? Because I had a certain story about my Family...
Now, my consciousness had been able to pick up everything that it was "suppose" to. Positive things about my Family like "they're amazing!" and "they're the most important people in the world to me!" Unfortunately, my subconscious picked up on something else. It picked up on the fact that I was a first generation Hmong-American. It picked up on the fact that there was racism all around me. It picked up on the fact that my people were VERY recently (and still are to an extent) targeted for extinction. It picked up on the fact that I had never heard of anyone who had accomplished something big and was Hmong. And while my parents hid it so well and I never realized we were poor until much later in life, my subconscious picked up on the fact that we always had less than your average Family.
These facts that my subconscious picked up on hid in the back of my mind, feeding and growing without me realizing it. And when they were big enough, they turned themselves into my limiting beliefs. Beliefs that made me feel that I was always a target for racism. That I was someone who shouldn't even exist in the world. That I could never be as much as others. That I was born with a disadvantage in my genes. These limiting beliefs controlled (and still do control) me and my everyday actions, and as much as they pushed me to become better, they held me back from my maximum potential.
Having been able to identify all of this, I realized that I've been quite the idiot. On the surface, I was seeing all the Power my Family had, but was only capable of paying attention to the flaws that were beyond our control. It was like looking at Superman and only being aware of the fact that he was terribly allergic to a shiny green rock. It's a tad bit ridiculous. Haha. But now I choose to see and BE in my Family's Power. What are these Powers? Glad you asked.
Mai Yer (6th child) - The Power of Kindness. No, not "nice". Direct, honest, and bold Kindness. The Kindness that only someone REAL is willing to give. The Kindness that will provide honest opinions that are NEEDED and not just WANTED. Kindness that will happily be there for others, yet is strong and smart enough to be there for itself first.
Peter (5th child) - The Power of Presence. The kind of Presence that can (and will) be noticed without needing to say a single thing. Presence that everyone wants to be around and is impossible to not like. The kind of Presence that is so welcoming and provides comfortable space for others to BE their real and authentic selves.
Sheng (4th child) - The Power of Will. The kind of Will that stands like an indestructible wall, unshaken and unmovable. Will that won't be stepped on or messed with, but is understanding and allowing of others. The kind of Will that is not a result of pride or stubbornness, but instead as the result of true self-awareness and standards.
Lor (3rd child) - The Power of Wisdom. The kind of Wisdom that is old and experienced, yet young and ever growing. The kind of Wisdom that understands both sides of the story, as well as the unstated 3rd story. The kind of Wisdom that you don't learn, you just eventually realize you've always had.
Ai (2nd child) - The Power of Vulnerability. The kind of Vulnerability that shows the beautiful mess. The kind of Vulnerability that shows others they're not alone in their flaws. Vulnerability that is so fearless, it can show emotion without shame.
Soua (1st child) The Power of Leadership. The kind of Leadership that has a clear line and cannot be mistaken for management or bossiness. The kind of Leadership that proves you can also be a Leader to those who are Leaders to you. The kind of Leadership that doesn't build a great team of great followers, but instead a great team of Leaders who will do just as she did.
Mom - The Power of Strength. Strength that lets me know and believe that many women are stronger than men. The kind of Strength like a rubber band - soft and flexible, yet holds and keeps everything together. The kind of Strength that knows fear, but chooses to face it anyways. The kind of Strength that will find a way. And if there's no way - the kind of Strength that will find a way to make a way.
Dad - The Power of Faith. The kind of Faith that makes a difference. The kind of Faith that not only changes lives, but saves lives. Faith that is so passionate, it's alive even when criticized to no end. Faith that produces happiness, sunshine, and a radiance that can't quite be explained in words. The kind of Faith that may not be able to move a physical mountain, but can tear down the mountains of demons within any human.
Tou Ger (Last child) - The Power of Connection. The kind of Connection that sees the common thread between everyone and everything. The kind of Connection that can tie 100 different things from 100 different ends of the world together. The kind of Connection that goes beyond surface level, and into the deep areas of life that matter. Connection that integrates mind, body, and spirit. The kind of Connection that can put his Family's Power together to create his own Superman.
These are my Family's Powers. Having identified them, I now CHOOSE to see all of the beautiful abilities that we have been blessed with instead of the little things that were flawed with the world growing up. I CHOOSE to give myself permission to take from and BE in this Power without shame, without guilt, and without care of what others might think. I CHOOSE to take back my life from insecurities, doubt, fear, and from the little gremlins that live in my head. And I personally believe that's our greatest Power as Human Beings - The ability to CHOOSE.
What Powers have you gotten from your Family?